How to Be A Good Bride to Your Bridesmaids?
💖 The Thoughtful Bride: 10 Ways to Be a Truly Great Bride to Your Bridesmaids
The moment you say, "Will you be my bridesmaid?" is magical. You've asked your closest friends to stand by your side for one of the most important days of your life!
While the focus is naturally on your wedding, being a "good bride" means remembering that these women are not just props for photos—they are your cherished friends with lives, jobs, and budgets of their own.
Here is your guide to navigating wedding planning with grace, ensuring your bridal party feels supported, appreciated, and excited, not exhausted.
Understanding Bridesmaid Expenses: A Reality Check
Before you start planning bridesmaid dresses and destination bachelorette weekends, it's crucial to understand the financial reality your friends will face. Being asked to be a bridesmaid is an honor, but it also comes with a significant price tag that many brides don't fully appreciate until they see the breakdown.
In the United States, the average bridesmaid spends between $1,200 and $1,800 per wedding, though costs can easily exceed $2,000 for destination weddings or high-end affairs. In the United Kingdom, bridesmaids typically spend £600 to £900, with similar increases for weddings requiring extensive travel.
Here's where the money actually goes:
Attire and Appearance (US: $300-600 / UK: £200-400)
- Bridesmaid dress: $150-300 / £100-250
- Alterations: $30-100 / £30-80
- Shoes: $40-100 / £30-70
- Accessories (jewelry, clutch): $30-80 / £20-60
- Undergarments: $20-50 / £15-30
Beauty Services (US: $150-300 / UK: £70-150)
- Professional hair styling: $75-150 / £40-80
- Professional makeup: $75-150 / £30-70
Pre-Wedding Events (US: $400-700 / UK: £200-400)
- Bachelorette party (local): $200-400 / £150-250
- Bachelorette party (destination): $500-1,500+ / £300-800+
- Bridal shower contribution: $50-100 / £30-60
- Engagement party gift: $50-100 / £20-50
Wedding Day (US: $200-400 / UK: £100-200)
- Wedding gift: $100-200 / £75-150
- Travel to/from wedding venue: $50-200 / £25-100
- Hotel accommodation: $100-300 / £80-200
Hidden Costs Often Forgotten
- Time off work (unpaid leave or vacation days used)
- Childcare during events and the wedding weekend
- Pre-wedding salon appointments (nails, waxing)
- Spanx, bras, and other undergarments for the specific dress
- Additional nights of accommodation for multi-day weddings
- Rental car or rideshares to multiple events
Why This Matters for You as a Bride
Understanding these costs isn't about feeling guilty—it's about being informed so you can make thoughtful decisions. Your bridesmaids likely won't complain or tell you they're struggling financially because they don't want to seem unsupportive or ruin your excitement. Many will quietly go into debt, skip the bachelorette party, or feel resentful rather than speak up.
The solution? Transparent communication and realistic expectations from day one. Before anyone says "yes," they deserve to know what saying "yes" will actually cost them. This awareness allows you to make accommodations, offer alternatives, and ensure that your wedding brings joy, not financial stress, to the people you love most.
When you approach bridesmaid expenses with empathy and flexibility, you create an environment where your friends feel comfortable being honest about their budgets—and that honesty strengthens your friendships rather than straining them.
2. Be Mindful of the Money (The Golden Rule) 💰
The single biggest source of bridesmaid stress is cost. Whether in the US (where costs can average over $1,500) or the UK (averaging over £600), the expenses add up fast. Be transparent and considerate of their budgets from the very start.
How to Reduce Bridesmaid Dress Costs
Offer Flexible Attire: Instead of dictating one specific, high-cost dress, give them a color swatch and a fabric type (like "dusty rose chiffon") and let them choose the style and price point that works for them. Encourage looking at off-the-rack, rental, or pre-loved options.
Managing Bachelorette Party Expenses
Keep Travel Local (or Optional): Be acutely aware of the financial strain of destination bachelorette parties. If you want to travel, clearly communicate the expected costs early, or offer a low-cost, local alternative for those on a tight budget.
What Wedding Costs Should the Bride Cover?
Cover Minor Costs: If you are asking them to wear professional hair and makeup, you should pay for it. If you cannot cover it all, paying for even one service (like their hair) is a huge gesture of appreciation and removes a key expense (often averaging £70 or $150+).
Check out our guide to Complete Wedding Budget Breakdown: Planning Your Finances Burden-Free
3. Communicate, Don't Command 🗣️
Treat your bridesmaids like friends, not assistants. They want to help, but they need clear, organized direction.
-
Create a Central Hub: Use a group chat for quick, fun updates, but rely on a shared, centralized document (like a shared Google Doc or wedding app) for all key, non-negotiable details (deadlines, vendor contact lists, the day-of timeline). This prevents important information from getting lost in frantic chat threads.
-
Give Gentle Deadlines: If you need a decision on shoe color or dress order dates, give them a reasonable deadline, not a frantic command.
-
Don't Over-Share: Only include them in planning tasks that directly involve them (like shower planning or dress fittings). Your friends don't need to be consulted on the napkin color or every single vendor decision.
4. Respect Their Time and Private Lives 📅
Remember that their lives don't revolve around your wedding planning, no matter how exciting the process is.
-
Group Scheduling: When planning events (fittings, showers, bachelorette), send a Doodle poll or similar tool to find the day that works best for the majority. Don't simply announce a date and expect everyone to adjust their schedules.
-
Be Flexible: People have work, family emergencies, and sick children. Be okay with them missing one planning event or even one pre-wedding party. Avoid sending guilt trips or passive-aggressive messages if they have to decline an event due to a conflict.
-
Keep Conversations Balanced: While you're excited, remember to ask about their lives, careers, and relationships. Don't let every single conversation be monopolized by wedding talk.
5. Manage Bridal Party Conflict 🕊️
In any group of people who may not know each other well, tension can arise. As the bride, you are the peacekeeper.
-
Introduce Them: If you have bridesmaids from different circles (e.g., college friends and work friends), make a point of introducing them early and hosting a low-key get-together before the planning ramps up so they can connect.
-
Address Issues Privately: If two bridesmaids are having an issue, speak to them separately and privately. Do not force them to solve the problem in a group chat or in a public setting.
-
Set the Tone: Make it clear that you expect all members of the bridal party to be supportive and respectful of each other, regardless of existing dynamics.
6. Give a Thoughtful Gift (That Isn't a Uniform) 🎁
The bridesmaid gift should be a genuine token of thanks, not an item they are required to wear on the wedding day.
Personalized Bridesmaid Gift Ideas
- Focus on Personalization: Think about what each friend genuinely loves or needs (e.g., a high-end candle, a gift card to their favorite store, a quality piece of jewelry they can use again).
-
Avoid Branding: Skip the cheap items engraved with "Bridesmaid" or your wedding date (like tacky shot glasses or oversized robes). If you provide robes or pajamas for photo ops, these do not count as the actual "thank you" gift.
-
Timing: Give the gift before the wedding day (ideally at the rehearsal dinner or a bridal luncheon) so they know they are appreciated ahead of time.
7. Keep Them Fed and Hydrated on the Day 🥂
This sounds small, but on the wedding day, it's a critical stress factor.
-
Morning Fuel: Ensure the room where everyone is getting ready has plenty of snacks (muffins, fruit, bagels) and water. People are often too excited or busy to eat.
-
Stress-Free Zone: Have coffee, juice, and water readily available. While a toast is fun, prioritize keeping everyone hydrated and well-fed throughout the long day to avoid low blood sugar and unnecessary jitters.
8. Say Thank You (Often) 🙏
Appreciation doesn't have to be a grand gesture; simple, frequent thanks go a long way.
-
Verbal Appreciation: Don't wait for the official speech. Verbally thank them for planning the shower, helping with wedding invitations suite, or traveling for the bachelorette party as those events happen.
-
Post-Wedding Follow-Up: Send a handwritten thank-you note a few weeks after the wedding, emphasizing how much their specific presence and help meant to you—not just their attendance at the event.
9. Let Them Enjoy the Day (Their Job is Over) 🥳
Once the ceremony ends, your bridesmaids are guests!
-
Final Task: Their final official duty is the grand exit from the ceremony. After that, they should not be running errands, chasing vendors, or setting up décor. If tasks need to be done, hand them off to a wedding planner or an assigned helper, not your bridal party.
-
Encourage Relaxation: Remind them to hit the dance floor, enjoy the open bar, and socialize. Their job is to relax, celebrate your marriage, and have fun.
10❓ Frequently Asked Questions About Bridesmaid Etiquette
Q: Should I pay for my bridesmaids' dresses?
A: You are not required to, but if you have a very specific, high-cost vision (e.g., a $300 designer dress or mandatory professional alterations), it is highly thoughtful to cover at least a portion of the cost. The general etiquette in the US and UK is that the bridesmaids pay for their own attire, but the bride pays for the bouquet. If you insist on a pricey dress, consider it a gift to them to cover it.
Q: How much advance notice should I give my bridesmaids about the total cost?
A: As much as possible, and definitely before they say yes. After you propose, gather preliminary quotes for the dress and the bachelorette party. Tell them, "The estimated total for the dress, shoes, and minimum bachelorette contribution will be between £500 and £700 (or $800 and $1,200)." This allows them to decline gracefully for financial reasons without guilt.
Q: Is it okay to include a bridesmaid who lives far away?
A: Yes, but adjust your expectations. Give the long-distance bridesmaid an "opt-out" pass for events like showers and minor fittings. A great compromise is to only ask her to attend the bachelorette party and the wedding weekend itself, and have her attend dress fittings virtually.
Q: What should I do if a bridesmaid says she can't afford the bachelorette party?
A: Be kind and flexible. Do not exclude her. Work with the Maid of Honor to find a compromise:
-
See if she can join for just the local/cheaper portion (e.g., just the Friday night dinner).
-
If the party is traveling, the group can discreetly cover her flight or accommodation cost as a gift.
-
Reassure her that her presence at the wedding is the most important thing, not the party.
Q: Do I have to have an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen?
A: Absolutely not. The rule is: choose your friends. No one will remember if you have five bridesmaids and four groomsmen. Do not force an extra person into the bridal party just for symmetry.
The Final Thought:
Always remember the foundation of your bridal party is friendship. By leading with kindness, empathy, and an understanding of their commitment (time and money), you will ensure your friends are happy, relaxed, and ready to stand by your side with genuine joy.
Related Post:
💍 What Does the Bride Do for Her Bridesmaids?