If you're the Mother of the Groom, there's a good chance you've felt a specific kind of pressure that doesn't get talked about enough: the pressure to get it "right" without stepping on anyone's toes. You're not the Mother of the Bride — you don't always get consulted first, you may not know the bridal party's colors yet, and you might be wondering how much say you actually have in your own dress.
The reassuring truth is that Mother of the Groom etiquette is almost identical to Mother of the Bride etiquette in the ways that matter most — but the traditional order of things (the Mother of the Bride typically shops and decides first) means the Mother of the Groom is often waiting on information before she can move forward. Here's what's actually expected, so you can shop with confidence rather than uncertainty.
Quick Answer: Mother of the Groom Dress Etiquette Basics Rules
- Who buys the dress: The Mother of the Groom traditionally buys her own dress, just as the Mother of the Bride does.
- Who chooses it: She chooses her own dress and style, typically after learning the wedding's formality level and the Mother of the Bride's general color direction.
- Timing: Traditionally, the Mother of the Groom shops after the Mother of the Bride has chosen her dress, so the two looks can coordinate.
- Coordinating with the Mother of the Bride: The goal is complementary formality and tone — not identical dresses.
- How much input she has: Full control over her own dress and silhouette; typically she simply confirms formality level and general color direction with the couple or the Mother of the Bride first.
Why the Mother of the Groom Traditionally Shops Second
This is the piece of etiquette that trips up the most people, so it's worth explaining clearly. Traditionally, the order of dress selection goes: bridesmaids first, then the Mother of the Bride, then the Mother of the Groom. The idea isn't that the Mother of the Groom's preferences matter less — it's purely practical. Once the wedding party's colors and the Mother of the Bride's dress are set, the Mother of the Groom has a clear reference point to coordinate against, rather than the two mothers guessing at each other's plans independently.
In practice, this means it's completely normal for the Mother of the Groom to hold off on finalizing her dress until she has at least a general sense of what the Mother of the Bride is wearing — color, formality, and overall tone, not an exact style match.
Who Buys the Mother of the Groom's Dress?
Just like the Mother of the Bride, the Mother of the Groom traditionally purchases her own dress. It isn't part of the couple's wedding budget, and there's no expectation that the groom's family covers this cost as part of any other wedding-related expense they may be contributing to (such as the rehearsal dinner, which is a separate tradition).
As with most modern wedding etiquette, families can always decide to handle this differently based on their own circumstances — but the traditional default is that each mother is responsible for her own look.
SHOP THE LOOK
Asymmetric Ruched Mother of the Grrom Dress Plus SizeGetting the Information You Need to Shop Mother of the Groom Dress
Since the Mother of the Groom often shops after the Mother of the Bride, the most useful thing she can do early on is simply ask a few direct questions — ideally through the couple, or directly with the Mother of the Bride if they're already in touch:
- What's the wedding's formality level (black-tie, semi-formal, casual)?
- What color is the Mother of the Bride planning to wear, or leaning toward?
- What's the general color palette of the wedding party?
With that information, the Mother of the Groom has everything she needs to choose a complementary — not matching — color and formality level, while still selecting a dress and silhouette she loves.
If the Mother of the Bride hasn't decided yet, it's completely reasonable to ask the couple for a general direction (season, palette, formality) so shopping doesn't have to wait indefinitely.
[Continue to read: Mother of the Bride Dress Shopping Timeline: When to Start Looking for the Perfect Dress ]
SHOP THE LOOK
hunter green satin mother of the groom dressMother of the Groom and Mother of the Bride Coordinating Without Matching
The goal for both mothers is visual harmony, not identical outfits. If the Mother of the Bride is wearing a deep emerald gown, the Mother of the Groom doesn't need to also wear emerald — a complementary jewel tone (sapphire, garnet, plum) at a similar formality level will photograph just as cohesively, often more so than an exact match would.
A short, friendly exchange of information — even just a photo or a color name — is usually all it takes. Many couples are happy to facilitate this conversation between the two mothers if they haven't met yet or don't have each other's contact information.
[Continue to read: How to Coordinate with Mother of the Bride and Groom without Looking Matchy-Matchy ]
What the Mother of the Groom Gets to Decide for Herself
To be clear about where her own choice takes priority: the specific dress, the silhouette, the fabric, the fit, and the styling are entirely her decision. Coordinating on formality and color doesn't mean deferring on style. She's welcome to choose a silhouette that flatters her, a fabric she loves, and details (sleeves, neckline, length) that suit her comfort and personal taste — as long as the overall color and formality complement the day.
A Simple Etiquette Checklist for the Mother of the Groom
- Confirm the wedding's formality level with the couple
- Ask about the Mother of the Bride's color direction (or the general wedding palette if she hasn't decided)
- Choose a complementary — not identical — color
- Shop 3–4 months before the wedding to leave time for alterations
- Avoid white, ivory, and the bridesmaids' exact shade
Find Your Mother of the Groom Dress
Whatever direction you land on, your dress should feel just as intentional and beautiful as anyone else's in the wedding party. Browse our Mother of the Groom Dress collection to find a look that complements the day and feels entirely like you.
Mother of the Groom Dress Rules Frequently Asked Questions
Does the Mother of the Groom shop before or after the Mother of the Bride?
Traditionally, the Mother of the Groom shops after the Mother of the Bride has chosen her dress, so the two mothers' looks can coordinate in color and formality.
Who pays for the Mother of the Groom's dress?
The Mother of the Groom traditionally pays for her own dress, separate from the wedding budget, just as the Mother of the Bride does for hers.
What if the Mother of the Bride hasn't chosen her dress yet?
It's reasonable to ask the couple for a general direction — season, color palette, and formality level — so the Mother of the Groom isn't left waiting indefinitely to begin shopping.
Does the Mother of the Groom need to match the Mother of the Bride?
No — the two mothers should aim to coordinate in tone and formality, not wear matching or identical dresses.
Does the Mother of the Groom get to choose her own dress style?
Yes — she has full control over her dress, silhouette, and styling. Coordinating with the Mother of the Bride typically only applies to color and formality level.
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